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By C. Jake Williams. October 15, 2008
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7:00 p.m. - Welcome to the Debate Diary. Tonight is the last time John McCain and Barack Obama will bicker face-to-face for the second-most powerful office in America. What's the first? CJakeWilliams.com readers!
7:02 - McCain and Obama will be seated during this session, which is disappointing. Nothing makes me happier than looking for the stick that makes McCain stand like Ving Rhames at the end of Pulp Fiction.
A little sidenote: I'm watching the telecast on CNN so that I'll know whether my reactions to the candidates' rhetoric are aligned with undecided women from Ohio. These are the things I need to know before casting my vote.
7:05 - Hofstra University spent somewhere in the neighborhood of $3.5 million in preparation for tonight's showdown and AIG is in the news for spending $80,000 on a hunting trip for four executives in England. God bless America, where propaganda is still king.
7:08 - McCain goes into a little tangent aimed at 'Joe the Plumber', who wants to start a business. Why is speaking about one specific person such a cornerstone of the American political debate process? I get the whole specific-to-general implied relationship, but wouldn't you rather hear the candidates commit to an explicitly stated general policy? I would. I do.
7:11 - I need to see a SNL spoof of the Excited McCain Face, that look and smile and voice John makes when he's breathless to speak his next sentence as soon as he can. Unfortunately, the EMF makes him look old and the idea of Sarah Palin inheriting the presidency scares the **** out of me. Objectivity be damned.
7:16 - Has there ever been a better time to be in college? The economy sucks, we're in an inescapable and endless war, and jobs are getting cut across the board. This deserves its own rant, but I feel anyone who can afford the time and money should be in school right now.
7:18 - McCain just referenced the Great Society. He's either talking about the set of domestic programs enacted during the Lyndon B. Johnson administration or his eyewitness accounts of the Roman Empire.
7:21 - McCain starts contrasting himself with President Bush, causing undecided women of Ohio to react negatively. Am I an Ohio woman at heart?
7:23 - If you're a Republican and have Democratic enemies, send them a mixtape compilation of Obama's 'Uhs and Ums.' I hear those sounds in my sleep whenever a nightmare is near.
7:26 - Our moderator asks each candidate if they would repeat the nasty comments made by their campaigns now that the two are face-to-face. McCain then calls Obama a lier. That's that.
7:31 - Anyone playing Joe the Plumber drinking games at home is clearly screwed. Alert your nearest emergency room because stomachs are going to need pumping.
7:38 - While listening to Obama's explanation of his ties to William Ayers and Acorn, I'm struck by how much John McCain resembles a hand-up-his-ass dummy when he's content with himself.
And yes, Obama has enormous ears.
7:42 - Undecided men in Ohio don't like Obama much, if CNN's running scale is any indicator.
7:54 - McCain has Obama legitimately flustered right now on energy and free trade. McCain is still making the dummy-waiting-to-deliver-a-one-liner face, but Obama is scrambling to regain momentum.
7:56 - We switch to health care. Obama starts talking about two women who are 'probably in their middle to late 50s.' What if they're not? What if they are only 40? There's a real chance that two casual smokers just jumped the McCain bandwagon. Don't worry though, there's plenty of room on that horse-drawn carriage, about ten percent less of the country than the Obama train has last time I checked.
Admit it: You didn't contemplate that scenario while watching the debate live. That's why I'm here!
7:59 - Take a drink because Joe the Plumber is back!
8:19 - McCain calls the education issue the 'civil rights issue of the 21st century.' I don't see it.
8:23 - While criticizing McCain's lack of ideas on college opportunity, Obama basically says what I wrote earlier about general ideas. Obama sees a need for McCain to concretely explain what his broad plan will be to provide secondary education for America's youth.
The last half hour has included a lot of these general ideas and very few Joe the Plumber shoutouts. Here come closing remarks.
8:32 - Obama's message is clear: Why would you vote for McCain and expect different results than we've had the last eight years. It seems like McCain spent too much time criticizing Obama's plans and too little on his differences with Bush, assuming of course that there are some.
That said, I don't feel Obama won tonight's debate. Clearly McCain had the upper hand early, but Obama was slightly more stable and analytical to the end. Who won? Not Obama, and maybe McCain. But McCain didn't need a buzzer beater to win this election, he needed back-to-back-to-back homeruns, preferably right after a grand slam.
That's what McCain needed and it's not what he got.
Obama '08-'12.
You were there.