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By C. Jake Williams. January 20, 2009
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I have no intention of making this coherent.
If you want to control somebody, don't take everything from them or give them everything they desire. Give them one thing to hold dear and threaten its security.
I read that the Obama inauguration today will be the most expensive celebration in U.S. history. I refuse to consider that statement further because it would detract from the direction our country may be headed: Up.
If he gets assassinated, I'm calling for an outright ban on all country music. F***ing rednecks.
A recent CNN article announced that Obama plans to close Guantanamo Bay prison soon after taking office so as to allow prisoners the basic rights guaranteed to all men by our Constitution (as amended, one must note). This may or may not reduce our ability to protect our borders from those planning attacks, but you have to admit that guaranteeing basic human rights to captives can decrease the number of individuals who wish to plan attacks within our borders.
I know I'm a nerd, but I'm giddy over the prospect of having a Constitutional scholar in the Oval Office. I can only smile when I consider that every decision he makes will fall into the framework of what does or does not violate the basic philosophy on which this nation was founded.
I have to give a shoutout to my friend Sammy, who graduated cosmetology school a little while back. Sammy was always great to me, a friend all the way, and now she's seeing her hard work come to fruition as she cuts hair in a real salon. But Sammy needs more business.
Her salon, Salon Essentials, is located next to Chili's at 1433 N Main St. and her number is 435-753-9674.
Whether you live in Logan or are close enough for me to visit by car, you should give her a visit next time your bangs need a clip. And then you should take me to dinner at Iggy's to watch the Lakers. Especially if you're my brother Zac, but even if you are not.
On my contact page it says that I think in Venn diagrams. Several of you have asked what the hell that means, and I finally have a good example for you:
Last summer I was riding with a family friend on our way to his Lake Powell houseboat when I had an epiphany. "Mike," I said, "have you ever noticed that while not everyone who drives a Lexus or BMW is an asshole, Every Asshole drives a Lexus or BMW?"
I believe Jesus was either the son of God or a magician. I mean, those are pretty much the only two possibilies right? And either way, he's the historical figure I'd most like to meet.
I've been downloading episodes of the Daily Show with Jon Stewart off and on for two years, but last week I discovered that I'm retarded. They're available online! From now on the iTunes Store will only get my business after I've seen an episode several times and can't wait to see it ten more.
My dad gave my mom a laptop with a webcam for Christmas. She asked me how to use it since my laptop has a webcam, and I realised that I didn't know. I've worked out the kinks now, so be prepared for my face to appear on the site soon. I'm thinking Tuesdays will work especially well. We'll call them 'Today's Tuesday!' webcam updates.
I'm growing my hair longer. Not hippie-smoking-pot long, but longer than the average military flattop. If you have an idea for a style I should shoot for, please email me. Right now I'm leaning towards a cut similar to Josh Hartnett in Lucky#Slevin.
You were there.