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By C. Jake Williams. April 8, 2009
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Summer is upon us and my family is starting to wonder what I'm doing come May.
I'm staying in Logan.
Not by choice, per se, but more because I'm waiting for a better reason to move than just relocating closer to the house I still call home in West Jordan. I have a decent job here in the north, and Monday I signed up for a gym membership1 with my buddy Mike. So really I plan to just keep working on my bills and body until an alluring job offer falls into my lap through persistant applications.
I can't imagine I'll still live in Logan this August, but that's how long my apartment lease will run. Today I'm signing for a cozy and fairly classy residence for just $212/mo. I can't turn that down! That's less for a roof than I pay for a car. I won't move into the new abode until May, or at all if an offer comes soon.
All this speculation about my future employment begs the question of what I'm doing now, here in Logan. I haven't really explained it even to my family, so let's start with the script I use when I first call people from work.
"Hey this is Jake at ___ ______2. I'm calling today because a previous lender of yours has referred you to this company, and based on that referral we've been able to pre-approve you for a $300 loan. (pause)3 If you are interested in that, it takes about two minutes to verify the information from that referral and then we can have the money4 in your account within two business days. (pause) Do you want to take advantage of that today?"
So yeah I'm a phone salesman offering payday loans under the guise of an umbrella company that acquires its leads from companies it owns that have previously loaned with the customers. Not completely accurate. I'm not sure where we get the leads, but it's probably closer to buying a gun out of a windowless van than something more legitimate.
I've been asked how I can sleep at night. After all, these are some of the shittiest loans you can dream up. Three weeks after borrowing $300, the customer owes $90. Two weeks later? Another $905. Repeat twice more. Then they start paying off the loan in $50 increments, interest added. After five months they pay off the agreement with a sum of just under $1000.
Shitty.
So how do I sleep at night? It all goes back to my understanding of 'America.'
I believe one of America's core values is the idea that you have the right to harm yourself without the right to harm others. Think about that, and try to name one law6 that doesn't support this freedom-restriction tradeoff.
This explains why murder is wrong.
Why adultery is immoral.
Why stealing is unacceptable.
Why marriage is legal.
Why smoking7 is just heavily taxed.
How does this apply to my job? There are two approaches I could take to selling the loans. I could do whatever is necessary to get people to sign, or I can honestly explain the terms of the agreement and let the individuals make a decision based on their understanding of all the pertinent facts. I choose the latter.
I don't feel like I'm tricking my customers into a bottomless financial pit because I don't lie to them, even through omission. I answer all questions, usually before they are asked.
Using this approach, I'm one of the company's top salesmen, approving more loans than 75% of my coworkers.
I think customers trust me more than the average employee at ___ ______ because I'm not pushy, use strong and finite language8, and know all the details about what I'm offering.
So even though the premise under which we offer the loan fails to mirror reality, as long as the customer treats the loan as a legal agreement with a legitimate company and follows the payment options I offer, nothing shady or unexpected occurs. The loans are shitty, but the company is operating responsibly by my standards.
That said, I can't wait to leave this company and this city. The rear view mirror will cry after getting ignored on my way out of Logan.
The NBA season is wrapping up soon. The Jazz are locked into the playoffs, and tonight's game in Dallas gives them a chance to avoid an unwinnable first round series against Zac's Kobe-led Lakers.
But more importantly, the end of the season means crunch time for fantasy basketball. I'm in two leagues: one with Shane and a bunch of friends from Logan, and another with both brothers9, one friend from Ohio10 and two of his relatives. The former league will likely be decided the final day of the NBA regular season. Shane leads11, but I have the momentum right now. We'll see if I can pull off what just two weeks ago seemed impossible. And in the Ohio league, I'll win by a landslide.
Today's video closer is just a ridiculous exhibition of Lebron James' natural ability. He isn't my fantasy MVP, but he deserves the real one. Enjoy.
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1A clear response to the challenge issued in Watching Jindal's footnote 6.
2Company name omitted because i) I don't want its customers finding my site when they Google the company and ii) I don't want my bosses to read my opinions of the company should they ever search its name.
3This pause allows customers to freak out after the word loan. Some want their questions answered immediately at this point, others want to reject the offer outright and get off the phone. Either way, a pause allowed for efficiency at this point in the call. If the customer wants to speak here, they won't listen to a word I say until they've said their piece.
4I'm thinking of changing this word to 'funds' because that may seem more professional. So far I've gone for the personal feel that 'money' offers, but I'm starting to dislike it.
5This assumes the customer stays on our default payment plan. The first four payments are just 30% interest. The last six payments are $50 payments towards the balance of the loan plus interest, which obviously diminishes in amount at this point.
6The ordinance outlawing suicide doesn't count. Prosecuting corpses is insane.
7Cigarettes and cigars. I know marijuana is smoked too, and I'm aware it's illegal, but I'm going with Chris Rock's answer for this one12.
8Words and phrases like maybe, probably, i think, and sort of never come out of customers' earpieces. There is already enough doubt and gray area in my offer before I get to the first pause, so I try to not add any more to the pile.
9Although Shane (cough) 'helps' Zac make most of his roster decisions.
10Brandon was the only guy from Ohio in my freshman year group, so his nickname is Ohio. His nickname always reminds me of the Vietnam scene of Forrest Gump with Tex and Memphis and Dallas.
11Shane pulling off the win, added to my win in the Ohio league, will mean that both teams that own Dwyane Wade took the title. That doesn't make him the fantasy MVP, but it's a good place to start the argument.
12If you understand the 'their drugs' reference and can find Rock's words, send me the link.
You were there.